If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
