Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
