i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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