The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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