.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
