her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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