you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
