Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
