Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
