There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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