we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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