Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
