Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
