It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
