ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
