I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
