sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i will never coherently bang her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
