he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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