Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My first STD was from a foam party
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
