Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
