i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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