she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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