I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
