You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
