i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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