Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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