last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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