now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
