Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
