Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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