Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
