her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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