How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
