this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
