Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
whose parrot is this?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
