she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
