If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
