I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Less talking, more tequila
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
