I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
