so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
