i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
