and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
