You're my little dorito
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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