I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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