im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
