So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
