pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
