And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
