just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
3pm strippers are depressing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
