what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
