I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
People in love make me want to vomit
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
