I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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